37 Weeks

So this week marks our 37 week of this pregnancy. In some ways it seems like it has dragged on forever. Lately I have such a desire to travel with the kids or take a mini getaway with Matt and then I realize that now really isn't the time to do that since we don't get more than about an hour from home just in case. Then there are also times I completely forget that Im pregnant and then I look down and am reminded that yes indeed I am very pregnant. I finished my last scheduled day at work last week although I have one more on call this coming weekend. I have been having a lot of contractions but I think I have trained myself for so long now that any time I have them I think I need to stop them which in reality she can come any time she wants now. Last weeks Dr. appt was really quite traumatic for me...here is the story. SO this baby has been breech since 24 weeks she moves around but certainly isn't an inner gymnast.  My OB remains optimistic that she will flip and be able to come vaginally. This last week she did an ultrasound to check the baby's position, size, fluid levels, and what not. She was still breech, had plenty of fluid to flip, and when she checked her size she guesstimated she was about 6 lb 11 oz. When she told me this I about died. My OB said if we were to let her go to term she could be about 9 lbs. It took pretty much everything I had to not cry. I was nervous and upset. I love little babies and as awful as it sounds if we have a 9 lb baby I will feel like in some ways I have already missed part of her newborn stage. She also mentioned that she may be wedged and even if we wanted to turn her it wouldn't work. She felt her position in my abd which hurt...like a lot. I had tears streaming down my face and I thought to myself how will I ever survive them trying to turn her if I can't even tolerate this especially since they couldn't guarantee it would work. My OB said to just reschedule for the following week and we would make some decisions. When I left I was so upset. I text Matt to let him know everything was ok but I needed to talk to him. I fell apart and cried on and off for the rest of the day for some many rational and irrational reasons I don't even know where to begin to explain my feelings. After that day the reality of the situation seemed to set in and I realize there is only so much I can do. Since the beginning of this pregnancy I have had several times where I was freaking out and/or worrying and each time this would happen I have this overwhelming sense of peace that everything is going to be ok. Now I also realize this doesn't mean that everything will go that way that I want it to go so I tried to have that new attitude when I went back to the dr this week. I was really hoping for some answers and a plan. I think that has been part of my big problem is that I am a planner and I thrive off of lists and plans and having a baby doesn't always follow a structured plan. Anyways Matt was able to come with me this week...I really like when he gets to come. Once again we did an ultrasound to check her placement....still breech. So then Dr. Boheen started to push on her to see if she could be a good candidate to try to turn. It still didn't feel very pleasant but if that works it will be a short moment of pain vs the recovery of a c-section. While she was trying to get her to move she said she was checking to see if she would tolerate being turned and she did great. The Dr. also found that she isn't wedged in my pelvis and is quite optimistic that she is a good candidate to try to turn. The rule at the hospital is they can be turned at 37 weeks but not delivered that early unless there are complications since Im not comfortable turning her and then being sent home we decided to wait until next week so we could turn her and then either way we can deliver her since we will be 38 weeks. The last week I have started feeling yucky again. My nausea is back much like I had when I was in my 1st trimester. Nothing really sounds good food wise which could possibly be why I lost 3 lbs between last week and this week. I now weigh in at 167(39 lbs gained). I also keep waiting for my nesting to happen but I don't think its going to happen this time. I feel so tired and just blah all the time now. I am grateful for good days when my nausea is limited and I feel like I can play and do fun things with the girls. I also am still having tons of contractions and most days I wonder if she is really going to wait until next tuesday. You would think I would be freaking out knowing that she is coming in about 4 days now but really I am just so happy to have a plan even though we still don't know exactly how it will go I feel very at peace in that everything will be ok. Matt was funny and pretty excited when he realized that her birthday will be 5/5/15 or cinco de mayo. I don't really care but thought it may be fun if her birthday were the 6th since everyone's birthday abut mine has a 6 in it. It really does seem surreal we are adding another little girl to this family I don't know if its because life has been so busy or what but in some ways I can't believe its already here. 

The girls are beyond thrilled and talk to my belly every day. Matt still hasn't convinced them her name is anything Addy but we will see soon enough. Now each week when I take my belly pictures Gracie wants to be in them so Im including a 2nd picture this week. For now we will pass the time until she arrives preparing and attempting to be ready for her when she does decide to come.