On Wed morning the 5th I was at the mall with the girls and while shopping at Bath & Body Works we ended our phone call when Marissa called her. She called me back a few minutes later and knew something was wrong. She explained that Marissa had told her that Braydon was missing and had left a suicide note. They had no idea how long he had been gone but he had also texted several of his friends and said goodbye. All we could do for now is spread the word and say some prayers. I called Matt 3 times before he answered since he was in a lunch meeting. I told him what was going on and he immediately left his meeting and headed back to the office until we could decide what we needed to do next. Matt called our friend Arron that runs a suicide organization to ask for advice. He told Matt that if he could relive when his brother killed himself that he would want to be there either way. With that he headed home and I frantically packed. Half way home we got the phone call they had found him and he had shot himself in the back of the head while sitting in his car on top of a hill. Someone out hiking found him and they didn't even know he was missing. After the phone call the plan stayed the same and as soon as Matt came thru the door we packed the suitcases and hit the road. About 30 minutes down the road Brit called to tell me the funeral would be on Saturday and that Ris and Justin had already met with the funeral home. Matt and I were both in shock and I hadn't packed our church stuff but we figured we would come back home in the next we days. The next few days were a complete blur we spent 12 hours one day putting together the video, picking out flowers, and overall just trying to wrap our heads around what had happened. The ward was amazing and brought in tons of food for every meal and rounded up several trailers so there was somewhere for everyone to stay. We ended up staying in the neighbors basement. Marissa had requested for all of us to stay close so we could have nightly adult meetings to plan the funeral and late night discussions about what had/was happening.
The feelings were weird to say the least. There were very few tears and the ones that were shed weren't from the parents. I felt like I was doing something wrong when I would fall apart so I would excuse myself. Not anything Matt and I thought it would be. It felt more like a family reunion. They had sunshades and seating for all the family outside that we used for all the meals. They had water games, soccer games, and just ran around
This is the night we sat and planned the funeral.
While the girls went to pick out flowers all the dads took the kids to the movies. Em luckily slept thru all of the movie so Matt said it was pretty enjoyable
Since we were all staying on site we had plenty of time to practice our songs. I had a really hard time keeping it together when the kids sang Gethsemane but they did so well
Well the time from Wed to Friday went so quickly so instead of going home we went shopping and found clothes for everyone for the viewing and funeral
The funeral space they did the viewing in was beautiful and so well done. They made everything much easier on all of us. We were so thrilled that the video came together it was definitely a labor of love
This was the family room...aka the play room. They had food and snacks in a back room where the kids could watch movies and run around behind the scene
After the viewing finished the women ran to the stake center and decorated for the viewing/funeral the following morning. The next morning was an early one we all had to practice before everyone arrived for the viewing. It went well and everyone did a great job. The funeral went well it did however seem to lack some of the emotion that I expected from a teenage funeral gone to soon.
The football team and the cedar badge scout group were all honorary pallbearers when we came out it was an overwhelming emotional feeling. How amazing it was to see all these young men come together for Braydon and Im pretty sure once he saw how many people truely loved him that he was disappointed in his choice to end his life
Pallbearers
Ris was able to have Austin on the phone so he could see the whole thing
Then they did a balloon release
Then we headed back to the church to have lunch and then after that we headed back for naps. While Em napped we cleaned the house and got packed to head home. That afternoon as we left the house I couldn't help but let the tears flow. Matt's family has had its up and downs but when things started falling apart everyone was there to pick up the pieces and do whatever needed to be done. I have never seen that and I don't know that I will ever see that on a regular basis. It was a special week to be present for. The girls have had a few questions that I had no idea how to answer but I know our loving father in heaven has all the answers and we will learn all in due time. Until then May God be with you til we meet again
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