A Little Thing Called a Testimony

So one of my goals or motos for this year is to "keep it real." This means to not make excuses and call it what it is. I hear a lot of people say oh I don't have time for that or money to do this but in reality we all have the same amount of hours in a day and what you choose to do in the day is outlined by priorities. Often times in the past I have had thoughts I don't have time to read my scriptures, to pray, and even to make it to the temple. Truth be told that as busy as our lives are we are only as busy as we allow ourselves to be and we can always make times for the things that matter the most. So with that being said I decided this year I really want/need to work on my testimony. Growing up I think I just followed my parents lead went through the motions so to speak. Once I graduated from high school and went college I found that there wasn't anyone that had expectations of me that I stopped going to church and doing all those things I felt were expected of me growing up. I don't feel like I have even fully recovered from that. When Matt and I got married both of us thought the other one was more spiritually strong than either of us really were. Once we had Hallie it then became real that we needed to get ourselves together. we weren't doing anything wrong but we weren't really making progress either. But it wasn't really until this year that we really have become consistent at reading our scriptures, saying prayers, making it to church, and having family home evening. I have the desire for our girls to have their own testimony before they leave Matt and I's home and I am really trying to focus on the things I know will help them to figure it out while they have us to help guide their path. while talking to my dad I have come to the realization that the spirit will never shout at me and that I may never have a lightening strike feeling that I so desire. The lord will help and guide me through a quiet voice or a warm feeling that usually brings tears to my eyes. I have to focus on that feeling and cherish it because it is what will keep me going and build my testimony. I sometimes am to literal for my own good and that's not always how the spirit works. So I have been really trying to focus on feeling the spirit, to be in tune in the moments in my day when I need to get down on my knees and ask for help, guidance, or just a feeling of comfort when the day is hard. I have really noticed a difference. Usually at church I am there to go through the motions because anyone with kids understands that sometimes you don't get one thing out of church other than being there because of wiggly and at time whiny/loud kids. But Sunday was different I prayed for it to be different to feel like I was there for a purpose, that I mattered, that God love me, and knows me individually. For the first time is as long as I can remember I really enjoyed church. I know Im not perfect and will never be but I am trying to better myself each day so that I can direct not only my path but the path of our sweet girls that I want more than anything to realize that their mom, dad, and God love them more than they know. Im grateful for the Lords patience and willingness to forgive us constantly. Here's to bettering ourselves each day.