We Have Missed Our Daddy

Matt has been gone alot lately...like ridiculously alot. The girls and I really miss him when he is gone

We use chocolate to get us thru the days sometimes when he doesn't come home

Matt and I have been having a lot of discussions....some that get a little tense. I feel like work runs his life and has now started to effect our home life. I need him home, not just for me, but also for the girls. I'm tired of raising the kids by myself and the fact that the girls rarely ask where he is anymore is very concerning to me. On top of that he hasn't been taking time off to compensate for all the traveling he is doing. He says he is so behind he doesn't feel like he can take time off and I feel like that is really unfair to the girls and I. I want him to look for a new job which is hard to ask since I know he loves his job which I think adds to his desire to take time off. Its hard to feel like we are a 2nd priority and it really hurts. It's hard to explain to Matt and even other people how hard it is to feel like a single parent most of the time. Which makes that even more frustrating since I think sometimes he thinks I'm just whining. I just want to feel like he wants to spend more time here than at work. And with him being gone so frequently I find its hard for him to know his place when he comes back home since we have learned to function as a family of 4 instead of a family of 5. I feel bad but at the same time I don't feel like he is doing anything to help change it. I occasionally find myself wondering if one day this will ruin us or what it would be like if I had him around all the time. But for now all of those seem like fleeting thoughts. I feel trapped in my own life and at times unloved and un appreciated. It doesn't feel good but I just keep hoing something will change. I dream of a life with balance but for now its pretty tough.